Wit

1
I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich last night, and couldn't remember what PB had been recalled. I asked Mom if the Skippy was the recalled brand. She said: Yes, Melissa. Have two sandwiches.

So funny.

Mom is so on top of the food recalls, I don't know why I even asked.


2
I found a Housemartins album in my Dad's stack of records this morning and he hooked up the turntable so I could play it (at around 10:30 am). It was issued in 1986.
Me: "Dad, it's just like 1986 here. I'm listening to records in my old bedroom and I'm still in my Pajamas."
Dad: "Yeah, except there's not stuff all over the floor and it's not 1:30 in the afternoon."

Edit
What he really said was "Yeah, except there's not stuff all over the floor, your mattress isn't on the floor, and it's not 1:30 in the afternoon."

When I was in high school, I thought it was cool to take my mattress off the frame and put it right on the floor. In hindsight, this was not the best decision. It was already hard enough to get out of bed in the morning. With the mattress a foot lower, fighting gravity was usually a losing battle. Hence the almost failing Algebra in 11th grade because it was first period and I was last all the time.