Lies

My Match.com pursuits continue, even in my invalid state. So I got an email from a guy before the surgery and replied once, then not until after the surgery. It was like 2 weeks. I lied, and said I'd been out of town. I should have just not said anything, because he replied right back and asked where I was. God. I have no idea what I'm going to say. And to top it off, he wants to talk on the phone. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN when I'm at my parents' house. This should be fun.

On the other hand, I'm not even sure if I want to talk to this guy. It's not because of the mistake in this sentence from his email: What are you're plans for the weekend? I've learned, I should be a little relaxed when it comes to grammar. And it's not because of the randomly capitalized words throughout the email, or the utter disregard for periods. It's because he answered a question, it seemed, the way he thought he should answer it, rather than a real answer. Well, I'll probably call him, since my 35th birthday is coming up and the door isn't being broken down with all the suitors. In the olden days, I'd be labeled a spinster. Now, it's not a big deal to be 34 and unmarried. It isn't my ideal situation. I'm trying to change it (halfheartedly, I think, because I really don't like online dating). You know who's cute.. the lead singer of Augustana (second pic, second guy from the left). Anyone know anyone who looks like him? In my hometown? Or, within 50 miles of my hometown (my Match preference)? Ok, that's just not possible. I'm avoiding listing my hometown's name because I don't want to show up in the blog roundup in the local weekly paper. Though, not to be snobby, but I think my blog postings are way more interesting than any of the ones they put in their paper.

Fortune or Coincidence?

Dana and I had Chinese takeout last week, but I didn't eat the fortune cookie until yesterday. My fortune was "You feel restless - change is just around the corner." How appropriate. I do feel restless - I'm anxious to go to my own house. Tomorrow's the day.

Also - my house is just around the corner from where I am now.

On the back is the "learn chinese" word: Medical Doctor.

Mom's fortune said "Your good deeds are never forgotten." Her immediate reaction:
"Well, I don't know about that!"

Still at the parents'

I decided that a trip to Friendly's was about as much exertion as I wanted to do this weekend, so I'm still at Mom and Dad's. It's okay though. While I miss the cats, they usually like to sit on my belly, and that's not recommended right now.

Wit

1
I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich last night, and couldn't remember what PB had been recalled. I asked Mom if the Skippy was the recalled brand. She said: Yes, Melissa. Have two sandwiches.

So funny.

Mom is so on top of the food recalls, I don't know why I even asked.


2
I found a Housemartins album in my Dad's stack of records this morning and he hooked up the turntable so I could play it (at around 10:30 am). It was issued in 1986.
Me: "Dad, it's just like 1986 here. I'm listening to records in my old bedroom and I'm still in my Pajamas."
Dad: "Yeah, except there's not stuff all over the floor and it's not 1:30 in the afternoon."

Edit
What he really said was "Yeah, except there's not stuff all over the floor, your mattress isn't on the floor, and it's not 1:30 in the afternoon."

When I was in high school, I thought it was cool to take my mattress off the frame and put it right on the floor. In hindsight, this was not the best decision. It was already hard enough to get out of bed in the morning. With the mattress a foot lower, fighting gravity was usually a losing battle. Hence the almost failing Algebra in 11th grade because it was first period and I was last all the time.

A scare, and progress

Before I had the surgery, the nurse had me fill 2 prescriptions: 800 mg of Motrin, and Percocet, 30 pills each. Motrin instructions were to take 1 every 6 hours as needed for pain. Percocet was 1-2 every 6 hours as needed for pain. The nurse also said to take the motrin, and that if the pain "broke through" the Motrin, I should use the Percocet. When I checked out of the hospital, they said the same.

So, my back has been sort of numb for the past few days. I attributed it to laying on my back to sleep (firm bed), and when I spoke to a nurse over the phone yesterday, she said it could have been from when I was in surgery, laying on my back. I also told her that I hadn't taken a Percocet in 12 hours (because I didn't think I needed it), and had just taken one before I talked to her, because when I read the pamphlet that came with the Rx, it said I should not stop suddenly. She said it was okay to spread out the Percocet.

An hour and a half later, half my face went numb. Instant panic. I went to lay down, made a few calls to non-doctors, and then called the doctor. She said it was a reaction to one of the medications, but since I was taking 2 (really, 3, because the percocet has acetaminophen in it), it was hard to know which one I was reacting to. Between when I called and when I got a call back, it had started to feel better, and she said if it didn't get better, or if it got worse, I should go to the ER. Thankfully, it got better. Now, I'm just not taking anything for the pain. She said I could take Tylenol, so I have it at the ready, but so far, the pain's not that bad. And my back is not really numb anymore either. Scary. What worries me is, if I ever DO have a kid (chances seem slim at this point, but you never know!), I'll have to have a C section. I'm not going to be taking these 2 drugs for pain. Is there anything else?? I guess I'll find out.

Now, I'm walking up and down stairs, and hoping to go home to my own house this weekend, (or whenever I can bring myself to make a Peapod order and pick a delivery date).

Random Notes

Yesterday, I put on a bra for the first time since last Friday. It wasn't fun. But I have to make sure I don't look worse after this surgery, rather that better.

Amanda and I have the exact same gym bag as the mom on the now-cancelled, not-really-good sitcom called Still Standing. Exact same!

I have to wear granny undies that come up to my waist, so the waistband doesn't rub on the incision. Attractive. Amanda had to make an emergency trip to Wal-Mart to pick up a pack. She found one that had an extra bonus pair in it. Lucky! Hopefully, I can wear regular undies by the time I go back to work. Practically all of my pants are below the waist or low rise.

Lying on my back is making the back of my body sort of numb (I think this is a combo of the painkillers and the back-sleeping.) Last night, I did some side sleeping and I feel a little better now. Side-sleeping isn't really that great though. It feels a little odd in the stomach area.

Gifts and More

Gifts

In addition to all the pampering I've received at my parents' house, I've also received some pretty nice gifts:

flowers
national enquirer and new yorker magazines
socks with birds on them
coffee
a giant microbe, salmonella

I read the enquirer cover to cover. There's a lot of news in there. And I think most of it is true.

The giant microbe made me laugh so hard I though I was going to burst the stitches. I had to put it away, I was laughing so hard. The story behind the microbe is: I saw a story on the news about how some Dole melons were tainted with salmonella. I got a fruit cup with my lunch and there were melons in it. I didn't know what the whole melon story was so I was unsure if I should eat the fruit cup. Okay, okay, I was afraid to. This is a fear as rational as the fear that I had on Friday morning. I was putting some papers back into my backpack while waiting to be be brought to the pre-op room (that's where they put the IV in) and I got a paper cut. Panic instantly set in. I was imagining getting MRSA from the paper cut and ended up telling the nurse. "Lynn, I'm worried about my paper cut." She was very nice about it and squirted some antiseptic foam on it. It cleaned it out, and also made my super super dry skin* nice and moisturized because it has emollients in it.

Anyway, I called my sister to see if she'd eat the melons but she wasn't home. So I called Cate and she said she wouldn't eat it. Since someone confirmed my fears, I asked the nice boy who delivered the food if I could have a banana instead.

Later that night, Cate and fam came to visit and brought me the microbe from the Museum of Science. Now it's on the top of the bookshelf where I can see it from my bed. It's really cute. I'll post a pic when I get home. I don't have the upload cord here.

* My skin was super super dry because I had to shower twice with antiseptic soap before the surgery. The stuff is called Hibiclens and smells like pretty bad, like chemicals I remember using at the WPI kitchen to fill the mop sink. But it's good to use before surgery so I followed protocol.

More

Today, Mom and I had a laughing fit. We were watching Ellen, and right before the commercial break, they said "Coming up next, Chandra Wilson." Mom said: "OH, that John Travolta has a house in Maine. I'm not sure where but..." I started laughing, couldn't stop, then tried to stop to tell Mom that it was Chandra who was up next, not John. Chandra/John Travolta: they sort of sound alike. That kept us laughing for about 5 minutes. The pain, the pain. :)

Now, I'm off to go Google John Travolta and Maine to find out where his house is.

Funny Mom-ism of the day

Watching the Rachael Ray show, talking to Mom about it. We both agree that she's too perky and talks too fast. Mom also thinks she looks better in solids, and that she accessorizes too much (too many belts, big earrings, etc.). Then, out of the blue, Mom says: "It's too bad about her husband. I'm not going to talk about it, they're only rumors, but I guess he might not have been faithful since they got married." No segueway whatsoever, and then, we couldn't talk about it.

Air for Life

At least 5 to 7 times an hour, or during the commercials, as suggested by my doctor, I have to take deep breaths using an incentive spirometer. The first thing it was for was to clean the anesthesia out of my lungs. The anesthesia tasted really gross. Really gross. Like I'd been sucking on a car exhaust pipe. I think I got it all out because I can't taste it anymore. Now, I have to ensure my lungs aren't collapsing, and have to make sure the alveoli are expanded so I don't get pneumonia. I've learned that it's easier to take deep breaths when sitting, rather than when laying down. It's virtually impossible when standing because I'm focusing on my abs, which I'm not supposed to tense up but it's hard not to.

Since I've been home I've been sitting, walking in circles in the upstairs hallway, and taking pills. While pretty painful, I'm enjoying the rest.

Recovery

It's Monday night, 3 days since the surgery. Technically, here's what I had done:
(warning: this will be detailed. if you don't really want to know, just know that they got what they went in for and nothing more, and everything is okay. now stop reading if you don't want the gory details.)

• Laporotomy to remove 3 uterine fibroids

• Chromopertubation

In plain English, that means that they made an incision in my abdomen (the laporotomy). The other thing is when dye is injected into the uterus and fallopian tubes to see if they're blocked. The doctor said, as long as they were in there, they'd check out everything.

Good news: The inside of my uterus looks good - no endometriosis, they found 3 fibroids, and were able to get them out with minimal blood loss (100 cc, which is very low. Fortunately, I didn't have to fight the odds of getting some life-threatening disease from a blood transfusion! Yay!). Here come some details: The doctor said that the size of the largest fibroid allowed them to make the abdominal incision, pull the uterus out of the abdomen, and rest it outside. The fibroid was so big that it didn't slip back into my stomach. Gross. But good, because they minimized the possibility of infection because they didn't have to actually do work in the cavity. They didn't have to pack it, or risk cutting something else. Now, this is really way too much info and I wanted to know but then, I didn't. I'm glad I know though.

More good news: one tube is clear and both look good from the outside.

Stitches:
I have dissolving stitches on the inside and dermabond (basically, krazy glue) holding me together on the outside. This should still allow me to wear those skimpy bikinis I love so much.

Medication:

After the surgery, I had a morphine drip with a button to get more every 6 minutes. I tried to tough it out for about 6 minutes, then hit the button. It was nice. I also had something called teradol, something like really strong motrin, I think. This was also done IV. The IV was in until Saturday morning, along with the oh so pleasant foley catheter. Warning to those who have never had one. These catheters can become"positional" (the word the nurses used), which means the tube is not in the best position to drain so even though you've got one, you still have to pee. This happened a few times, and I'm smart so I figured it out. When I felt like I had to pee, I buzzed for a nurse or a PCA and asked them to adjust it. At one point, one of the PCAs and I were talking about the catheter, and I was saying I was glad they had taken it out. She said something like "Yeah, they can get positional" and I said, I know and then they don't drain and you can feel pressure" and she said "OH, are you a nurse, or a PCA?" with a sort of tone that said that I couldn't possibly know about this phenomenon. I said "No, I just know because it happened to me 3 times already." Ok, moving on. I'm getting annoyed again.

I came home on Sunday, at 1. I'm all set up in my old bedroom @ my parents' house. Cable, DVD player, phone, bed, the works. I'll update more later.

Possibilities

1.
Today, I was asked at least 7 times if I was pregnant. "Are you sure you're not pregnant?" "Any chance you might be pregnant?" "You're positive" "We're going to take a test anyway, but we do have to ask."

Chance I'm pregnant: 0%
Last time I had my period: December
Why? Because I'm In MENOPAUSE, people!

Imagine if it came back positive? That would have been some blackout I didn't know I had.

2.
In other news, today, I learned that one of the possibly side effects (is that the right term) of going under anesthesia is dental damage. Apparently, some people have anatomy that makes it difficult for them to get intubated and it does some dental damage. I was on the phone with the anesthesiologist, and I said "Well, don't wreck my teeth!" He said he would try not to. Or something. Comforting.

Other possible side effects: heart attack, stroke, or death.

Possible things that could happen tomorrow, when I have a saline ultrasound: The catheter they insert into the cervix so they can squirt saline into my uterus -- they could go too far and accidentally perforate my uterus. So I have to keep a feel out for any pain after the procedure.

Can't WAIT for the surgery.

Promising thing about the surgery: Hospital is proud to announce they offer television in the recovery rooms free of charge. Thank you.

Happiness is...

Happiness is a full iPod. Last year, I plugged into C's computer and blind-downloaded almost her entire library. I left the Jimmy Buffet got about 25 GBs of new music.

Every day, I find something new on the iPod that makes me happy. Yesterday, it was this:




















Thanks C!

Prep

Tomorrow morning is pre-operative day. I have an appointment with the surgeon, to check the size and status of the fibroids, I have to have a physical, get blood drawn, meet with the anesthesiologist, and get my final hormone shot. I'm going to all of these appointments alone, and so far, I've gone to all of my appointments. Now, that doesn't mean I don't call my sister before and immediately after, or call my closest friends at the same intervals. But, it means I'm on my own. And I don't mind. I would prefer to be strong, independent, and be able to check out in the waiting room. You know, check out and read a book, or talk to another patient who's waiting, or read the crappy Nick Jr. or Parents magazines that are so prevalent in the waiting room of a fertility clinic.

Tonight, I stopped by my parents' house to pick up my hormone shot. I procrastinated and had to call in a favor to pick up the Rx from the pharmacy. This is where the fun started.

Mom wanted to know, for like the 5th time, the doctors' names. She wanted to stress that I should ask the doctor about the new robotic tool that is supposedly used for gynecological surgeries. In my city but not at the hospital I'm going to. And I don't want to switch hospitals because there were a lot of problems with this other hospital when it first came to the city and now it's tainted. Plus I like my doctor and I don't think he'd do an outdated surgery. He's like 40 years old for christ's sake. He's modern. (I don't think that's a rational argument, but I'm going with it.) I don't think I need a second opinion, and I don't want my mother asking me to get one 3 days before surgery.

Dad wanted me to rehash the details of the surgery. He wanted to know how big the incision is going to be, and if I had ever met the surgeon before. I'm not really into thinking about the size of the incision, and I can't believe he had to ask if I'd met the surgeon. We'd been over this numerous times.

So, in typical Melissa fashion, I rushed out of there. It ended well though. Mom stopped me at the door, gave me the TV week from the Sunday paper, and then gave me my Valentine's Day treat a couple of days early. That put a smile on my face! Pepperidge Farm Raspberry Chantilly cookies. I'm going to have them with some tea.

Funny - there was a photo of Dracula on the front page of the TV week, and so Mom had the booklet face down. I turned it over, exclaimed Oh! and said, "I don't want this!". Mom totally knew why, said, "That's why I had it face down", ripped off the cover and I took it with me. It's so obvious we're related.

Finally: I'm sort of stressed about the multiple punctuation errors in the previous paragraph but I just don't feel like fixing them so I'm not going to.

New Profile, Same Old Blog

I've moved to a new account for my personal blog. Until I figure out how to move my posts from the other blog, you can find them at http://youvegottabekiddinme1.blogspot.com